Quiet

The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

by Susan Cain

I have a lot of feelings about this book. In one way, it answered a lot of questions for me. I have always known and accepted the fact that I am an introvert so it didn't surprise me that I fit a lot of the descriptions of introverts listed in this book. There were, however, a number of elements that did not necessarily apply to me. Of course, very few of us exist at one end of the spectrum. Most of us have elements of both and I noticed some of my more extroverted elements have been learned and developed over the years.

However, there were some things I had not anticipated. I think the most surprising one for me was the fact that introverts tend to be more conscious of letting other people down and have a higher sense of personal responsibility. This explains a lot of my interactions with some of my more introverted friends and family. I've never understood how a person could just blow people off and not even care. That has always been one of the most frustrating things in my life but, apparently, they're just born that way. It's not something that can be taught, you're either aware of it or you aren't.

I don't want to say that extroverts come off badly in this book because that's not always true. Cain points out that, in studies where introverts are paired with extroverts for conversation, both sides benefit. Introverts helped extroverts to open up and extroverts took a lot of the burden of making conversation off of the introverts who tend to struggle with small talk. I also felt deeply gratified to learn that small talk is a strength of extroverts, not introverts. We're better at the deeper discussions and I was very glad to learn that my dislike for and ineptitude with smalltalk is inborn.

Cain also points out that she took a retreat that was apparently designed for introverts. No one was forced to talk if they didn't want to. While that certainly had a certain appeal, she admitted to missing the extroverts that would normally populate a portion of the group.

Moreover, whereas our culture places a higher value on extroversion (not always for the better) Cain spends some time exploring the introvert ideal of Eastern cultures. While that certainly has it's advantages, personally, I've always thought that's a big reason their suicide rate is so high. I think we'd all be better off to find a happy medium where we can appreciate the advantages of introverts as well as the advantages of extroverts and use them appropriately.